im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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