Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
