Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
