ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
