Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize