i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
