You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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