Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
