I think im going to throw up on grandma
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
