dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
