I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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