omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
