after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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