My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
