i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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