what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
