Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
