He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
