Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
