thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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