and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
