sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
