just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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