i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
