got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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