As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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