Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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