cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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