I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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