it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
