I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
