Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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