And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
