Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You made out with two different species that night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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