Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
