i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
