I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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