need another drink. this is the easiest way
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize