worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
