You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
