we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
