No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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