I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
