I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
