Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize