I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
