smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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