We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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