think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
