I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
