Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
