lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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