If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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