I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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