Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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