I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Come on in and take your pants off
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