You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You are the jesus of drinking
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dicks are not precious.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
