He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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