i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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