I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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