I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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