I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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