I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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