Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
