just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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