My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
