I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
